This month has been easier than the first month by far. There have been some tears and difficult days, but no meltdowns, and that feels like an accomplishment. I never promised I wouldn't cry and have bad days, and I feel so lucky that Babe is so supportive, so much so that I almost feel like I don't deserve it. He lets me cry, when all I really need to do is cry and know that he is on the other end of the line just listening, he gives me encouragement and allows me to ramble on about making plans to drown out the monotony of being apart. I do my best to give him all these things in return, and I hope I am doing as good of a job as he is doing for me. I feel like we are growing, and though we are apart, we have come to a realization of what we want, to be together, and to know that beyond a shadow of a doubt. While I still have anxiety, I feel like I have found my voice and have realized my ability to communicate what I feel calmly and rationally in order to deal with emotions and move on from them. Without being apart, and having to rely on mostly phone communication, I might not have been able to achieve that.
Having said all that, I lately have been feeling kind of down, numb...not like sad or depressed, but like I am lacking true enjoyment in things. And I know the main reason is that my best friend isn't here to hang out with me. Regardless of what we do, I always have more fun when I'm doing things with Babe. I'm planning a few get-aways for April and am still hoping to venture out to DC for a weekend over the summer, so hopefully looking forward to these things will help alleviate some of these feelings. The cold, rainy weather probably doesn't help much either :)
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